A simpler pattern

Well after reading the most recent post over at Her very Own, I realize that the pattern I've noticed in myself when seeing doctors has actually simplified since I left the States.  

I may be a bit down at the moment, but find solace in having left the US system behind.

I can't even put into words the relief of no longer battling the 3rd party payer system as part of every medical appointment. Actually whenever I could afford to I just skipped the stress of the battle and paid out of pocket. I could only really do that for a few second opinions here and there and may be PT appointments for a sports injury, but the healing process is so much better when not tainted by the insurance companies. It also meant I didn't completely lose my ability to go to the doctor.

I know I was playing right into the insurance company's game... I paid premiums in case of a catastrophic health issue or accident, but rarely had them pay for anything because the process was too much for me to handle, particularly when I was incapacitated with illness. They win, I lose.

One day I tried to make them pay. I was sick. Very sick with a flu bug that had transformed my body into a spewing distaster zone. One of the facilities I consult to required me to have a doctor's note to justify my absence.

I should have just shown up, I think the average lay person could see me puke a few times and 'diagnosis' me as ill, but the site was an hour away and my doctor's office only a 10 minute drive.

I arrive, check in, and find out that my appointment is with a different doctor because my primary care doctor (the only doctor I've ever really trusted after years of searching) has left the practice. Okay, I am sad, but I feel pretty sure that ANY doctor can handle this situation. I run to the bathroom, retch a bit, then come back to the waiting area. I then am called up to the main desk. Turns out I can't be seen until I switch my primary care doctor to the lady I am going to be seeing. Fine, can you do that for me? I manage to ask. Nope, only I the patient can change my primary care doctor. The receptionist lady was kind enough to dial the number, but then I had to stand there on hold for 20 minutes with my insurance company. They eventually answer, I play 'pass the words' game between the receptionist and the insurance company while I clutch a plastic bag to my chest in case I start to throw up again.

Insurance company: so you want to change primary care doctors?
Me, weekly: Yeah
Insurance company: Why?
Me to receptionist: um why did my doctor leave
Receptionist: we are not at liberty to say
Me to Insurance Company: Sorry, I don't know
Insurance Company: Can you ask someone at the practice?
Me: Yeah, I just did, they don't know.

Pause as they type lots and lots

Insurance company: Who are you switching to?
Me: Just a sec
Me to receptionist: Um, who am I seeing today?
Receptionist: Dr _____ ( a name I completely can't pronounce)
Me: Um could you write that down for me?
Me to insurance company: Just a second, I am finding out

It goes and on and on, and eventually everyone is happy, 'cept me. I ended up not liking this doctor and had to change doctors again before my next appointment. And honestly I would have paid a couple hundred bucks to be seen for 15 minutes and skip this ridiculous phone conversation in front of the entire waiting room while stressing out about what to do if my stomach started churning again. Why the receptionist wasn't allowed to make the phone call for me I don't know.

At least now I can't skip this layer of frustration and just dive straight into the emotions of not having answers as to the best way to take care of my health, not understanding what my body is and isn't doing, getting the sense that the doctors think that I'm just a simple, cut and dry case that doesn't require any thought, and hearing yet again that it would be a bloody miracle for me to get pregnant.