Dad on adoption...

Today I chatted with my father. When presented with 'female problems, he does not shy away. He is amazing in his ability to try to say the right thing... which of course is different from saying the right thing. His poorly timed and often off-based comments have never made me cry though, sometimes I have to bite my tongue and burst out laughing later. For example the day he offered me mynearly 60 year old mother's eggs. I laughed out loud:)  How sweet dad...

Today he eloquently shared how the more he's learned about the "vitro stuff," he thought it sounded like a lot of time and energy and money. He said some muddled things about adoption that I took to mean that he would completely love any grandkids and would completely support us. I think he was a bit shocked when I mentioned how expensive and slow adoption can be... I don't really understand fully why that is either. It does seem so wrong that so may kids do not have the parents they want for - and perhaps one day I would want to work on the problem of how the system(s) does or doesn't work for these kids – but for now I'm just trying to selfishly focus on getting through the couple weeks for me.

I myself am only starting to research all my options – but as of today, egg donor looks promising, at least to start our family. Where I live, I think I would receive one publicly funded cycle, there are fewer ethical issues for me with the legal framework, and – this is a big one- I think I like having biology control what happens. I feel like so much control has been stripped from me, and the nature of the adoption process- at least at this point – looks to me to be one where the adopting parents have very little control.

The thing is babies aren't really like all the stuff people are trying to give away on Craigslist. They are wonderful and precious and adorable and really really hard work to birth. It makes sense that there isn't a line of women giving up babies to people like me who can't have their own. And I am very glad that the supply demand curve is the way it is for domestic adoptions. Now if I was still located in the States, I would consider adopting an older child or one with “special needs.” I haven't yet sorted out what options exist in my current location for non-infant adoptions... or how my other half would feel about taking this on. I have spent my entire life learning how to see beyond disability and how to help kids cope with and sometimes overcome them – I have a somewhat realistic idea of what the parents I meet through work go through and I wouldn't have the bait and switch of dreaming of the birth of my 'normal' child and then realizing that my child is different from the one you imagined.