Monday, February 25, 2008


I had another friend offer eggs the other day over tea. But this time she followed it up with a conversation with her husband and a very genuine offer....


She is smart, creative, and has two amazing children I love. I respect her ability to think outside the box and think about big ideas. She said all the right things... how it would be my baby, how she suspects she would be vaguely interested in the kids as much as she would her cousin's kids, she would want openness with her immediate family, etc. I have much faith that we could navigate through muddy waters as they arise. She lives nearby and has the time in her current lifestyle for all the shots and stuff. She is fairly aware of the procedure and down to earth in general.

Cons - she smoked for awhile and she turns 39 in a few weeks. Menopause is a very late occurring thing in her genetic pool, although I have no idea if that has any relevance to the statically risk of older egg age.

I feel this huge sense of relief mixed with panic. Would I want to pursue this at all given her age? How does one get a sense of how old is too old? I only get 2 free cycles... but then again I might not get any other offers, or ones from people I feel so comfortable with...

Much to think about. I suspect that is the understatement of this whole process. When you aren't thinking lots, you are feeling lots.

1 comment:

Pam said...

Just found you through Mel. I, too, am using a donor. I often wished, before we found our donor, that certain friends or family members would offer. We had one friend offer but that fell through. I turned out that I was very relieved and preferred an anonymous donor. But the reason I mention this is because when we were finally at the point where we were going to be able to go ahead she was just about to turn 37, and in the eyes of many doctors that's too old to be a successful donor. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't want you to get your hopes up in case your clinic says no to this friend. In Canada you can't be compenated for being a donor either (except expenses) so it means finding someone who is willing to be altruistic, although some clinics here do have some local egg donors. We ended up going with a US agency and our donor flew up to our clinic for retrieval. Anyway, sorry for being long winded, and I hope everything works out for you.